Jen’s Story

Why was I good enough to excel at my role but not at leading others to do the same thing?

I was 23 and worked at the organization a year when I was promoted to Director and handed a team of 7 people to manage.

A week long training on management skills and I was off to lead educators and a program of 75 middle schoolers.

Straight into a management crash and burn.

Before I got promoted, I hustled to learn my role, did everything I could to stand out and add value. I was the "rising star" the "star performer" for my whole life. And I was really good at my job as an individual.

That didn't mean I knew how to lead a team of others.

I grew frustrated.
Desperate to succeed.

I tried harder. Worked later. Read the books. Sought help.

Still struggled.

I wondered, why was I good enough to do my job but failing as a manager? Maybe I'm not meant to be here.

Stopped eating.
Stopped sleeping.
Consumed with anxiety on Sunday-Friday.

Eventually I quit. I succumbed to feeling not good enough that had taken over my body and my brain.

This sparked a journey of transformation for me that led to moving to the other side of the country, rising up in another organization and leading a thriving team of 13 for 4 years.

When I was promoted for the second time it was completely different. I had learned to live and lead to care. I had learned to release my attachment to perfectionism, increased my resilience for failing, and made a bigger difference than I ever could have imagined.

I created time and space for people's hurts and uncertainty and stopped avoiding the tough conversations where I didn’t know the answers.

I trusted my team to make decisions that lined up with their values.

As a team, I encouraged them to hold the same principles true for their colleagues.

They were resourceful and had the power to find the answers to their challenges.

I delegated more effectively.

I accepted feedback on my managerial and interpersonal shortcomings.

Believe me, I was not perfect. I made many mistakes, but I wasn’t crippled by any of them and I didn’t cripple the team for theirs.

Together, we built a container for possibility and for growth.

And every night, at 5:00pm, I closed up my laptop, and went home to spend time with my family.

Without guilt and without worry that I wasn’t doing enough.

If you want to become the leader you've been waiting for, I'm here for you. We think it's the job or the role or the conversation, but it's actually a mirror to show us what's inside. Look at it.

I can help you see it, release it, and thrive.